“Ouch, fucking collarbone!” Season 14 is upon us. This league is famous for inappropriate fantasy football team names.
Yes, the league regularly smokes, uses profanity, masturbates, and skips 9th grade.
So who better to announce the 2025 draft order than the famous idiot John Rocker?
But how did we get here?
In 2012, the Year of the Lord, Chargers running back Ryan Mathews was a “can’t miss” fantasy first round pick.
After over 1,500 total yards, a 50+ mark, and 6 TUD seasons of limited duty, Mathews Hype is at his best as he enters his third year succeeding newly departed top fantasy RB LaDainian Tomlinson.
He was the “missing link” in a crime involving Vincent Jackson, A Gates, Malcolm Floyd and Philip Rivers, the father of Triggerman (Eleventeen).
But he broke his right fucking collarbone on his first preseason carry. He’s got a nice 5-yard gain, 0.5 fantasy points, which would easily lead the NFL over a full season, and he’s been a mess all year.
According to numerous reports, including from field-level players, after the sound of the collarbone breaking subsided, Mathews screamed, “Ouch, my f***ing collarbone – I’m sure it’s broken!”
(https://www.nfl.com/news/ryan-mathews-of-san-diego-chargers-breaks-clavicle-0ap1000000048067)
Not only is Ryan “Raw Dog” Mathews screwed, but so are many of the fantasy teams that selected him as a first-round pick. He missed the first two weeks and compromised much more.
In Week 3, he recorded his first TUD of the season. And how much is this season’s only TUD?
Then, in Week 15 of the fantasy playoffs, the unthinkable happened. He broke his left collarbone.
(https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/chargers-rb-ryan-mathews-headed-to-ir-with-broken-clavicle/)
According to numerous reports from those at the scene, after hearing the sound of his collarbone being crushed by the merciless force of the earth, he screamed, “Ouch, my damn collarbone – this time it’s my left collarbone!”
According to the Mayan calendar, December 21, 2012 marked the end of the world. And for many fantasy owners, their world ended with the sound of Matthews’ fragile collarbone being crushed to dust.
Is this year going to be a complete bust? Your destiny awaits.
List of past champions:
1st place | 2nd place | 3rd place | your finish
Restaurant where Ted Danson Demardiac was arrested in 2024 lSmotherdngravy 12th
2023 Captain Insano Castillo Nation Demardiac Arrested 9th
2022 Penis Inspector🍆🍆🍆 Deshaun’s Massage Envy Captain Insano 1st place
2021 Penis Inspector 🍆🍆🍆 Captain Insano the Bonder Express!!! 1st place
2020 Penis Examiner 🍆🍆🍆 Ernie McCracken Buc Nasty Senator #1
2019 Da Beers Sen. Ernie McCracken Lit & Gay AF 10th place
2018 Captain Insano Dickface Hernández Nectaico 12th place
2017 Marty Ball Dickface Lit & Gay AF 7th place
2016 Buttfuckin’ Marty Ball Tom’s lot lizard 1st place
2015 Captain Insano The Bonner Express!!! DCarr4MVP 7th place
2014 DCarr4MVP Bonner Express!!! The sack makes Cutler 8th.
2013 The Bonner Express!!! KCCO Captain Insano 8th
2012 WhoWnts2SmellMadonna FLF Crew IPG 1st place
