WASHINGTON — Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth met privately Wednesday with the families of six service members killed in the Iran war, and at a press conference the next morning, he said the message he got was one of stability and support.
“Through the tears, through the hugs, through the strength and through the unbreakable determination, what I heard from family after family was the same. They said, ‘Finish it. Honor their sacrifice. Don’t waver. Don’t stop until the job is done,'” Hegseth said.
One of the people he met at Dover Air Force Base in Delaware was Charles Simmons. His 28-year-old son Tech. Tyler H. was among six crew members killed when a refueling plane crashed in Iraq last week, Sgt. Simmons is also included.
Simmons remembered their exchange differently.
“I can’t speak to other families. When they speak to me, it’s not something we talk about,” she told NBC News in an interview Thursday.
Simmons said he spoke with Hegseth and President Donald Trump separately in Dover and was grateful for the warmth they both showed him.
He and Hegseth spoke often about Tyler, his impressive service record and the speed with which he had advanced in the military, Simmons recalled.
He told the defense secretary, “I understand that there is a lot of risk involved in making these kinds of decisions, and I certainly feel that the decisions that are being made are necessary.”
Asked if he had said anything to Hegseth or Trump about the need to continue the war, Simmons said, “No, I didn’t say anything like that.”
Simmons, a 60-year-old music teacher in Columbus, Ohio, told NBC News that he has “questions” about the battle and is unable to make “definitive conclusions when I don’t have all the data.”
“Who wants war?” He added. “Sometimes it’s necessary, and I don’t know what’s going on.”
Pentagon spokesman Sean Parnell said in a statement: “Secretary Hegseth has the utmost respect for our Gold Star families and is committed to honoring the sacrifice of their loved ones. While in Dover, the Secretary spoke with each family of our fallen heroes and the details of each conversation remain private.”
White House spokeswoman Olivia Wells said Wednesday that Trump was saddened with the “incredible families” of the six service members. Trump “shared his love and expressed the deep gratitude of our entire nation. These men and women gave their lives in defense of our freedom, and President Trump will never forget their honorable service and selfless devotion. They represent the best of America.”
Simmons last spoke to her only son the day before the fatal plane crash last week. Her voice breaking, she said, Tyler told her “how much he loves me.”
He said his son hoped to become a commercial airline pilot after eventually retiring from the military.
“Tyler had a magnetic personality,” she said. “Meeting no stranger, he would walk into a room, and it would be immediately illuminated.”
Hegseth’s account of the families’ message echoed comments Trump made earlier this month after another meeting with the families of six different service members who returned to the US.
Trump met with those families in Dover at a ceremony on March 7. Speaking to reporters two days later, Trump said the families were “incredible people” and that “everybody” told him the same thing: “Finish the job, sir. Please finish the job.”
A public official who was within earshot of Trump’s meetings with family members that day told NBC News that he did not hear anyone tell Trump to “get the job done” on Iran.
The Dover meetings were part of a ceremony called the “Honorable Transfer”. Families arrive at the airfield to retrieve remains that are flown in and removed in flag-draped containers. If they choose, families will have the opportunity to meet face-to-face with the president, vice president or other senior official who sent their loved one to war.
Simmons came away from Dover, having made a good impression on the architects of the war when he arrived. Simmons said Trump broke down in tears and hugged her, showing warmth and compassion contrary to the president’s public persona. He credits Trump with looking him “straight in the eye.”
“He extended his condolences to the father and expressed how difficult it is for other parents to make decisions to put their children at risk,” Simmons said.
As for Hegseth, “When I talked to him, I got the impression that he was torn because he was so empathetic, facing tough decisions about the war,” Simmons said.
“I let him know that Tyler is my only son. And you can see the emotion on his face. And I don’t think you can fake things like that,” she continued.
“I was pleasantly surprised because they (Trump and Hegseth) don’t care, they’re going to do what they want to do,” he said. “I got to see a different side of him up close and personal.”
In addition to Simmons, NBC News reached out to family members of 12 other service members killed in the Iran war.
A military veteran who served on the White House’s National Security Council during Trump’s first term, Rep. Eugene Windman, D-Va., attended the March 7 transfer of honor. (Trump fired her in 2020 after Windman raised concerns about Trump’s dealings with Ukraine.)
Windman said he did not overhear Trump’s conversations with family members. Still, he expressed doubts that distraught family members would say anything to the president about the need or importance of the war.
“Families out there are dealing with a terrible, tragic loss,” Windman said. “They’re still trying to understand what the loss means to them personally: losing a husband, a father, a wife. They’re not thinking about the mission.”
In the third week of the conflict, the Trump administration says the strikes launched by the US and Israel have weakened Iran’s military capabilities and helped undermine the country’s regime. But the war has driven up oil and gas prices, as Iran has effectively closed off the critical shipping route, the Strait of Hormuz. Senior US counterterrorism official Joe Kent resigned this week about the war, saying Iran does not pose an imminent threat to the US.
Simmons recalled what her son said before he volunteered for the operation that ended his life.
“He said, ‘Dad, I can’t give you any details, but if civilians knew what we know, a lot of the criticism (of the war) would stop,'” he said.
