We know that raising emotionally intelligent children sets them up for future success. The challenge is that many of us have not been taught those skills ourselves.
Growing up, many of us heard phrases like “stop crying,” “calm down,” or “be nice.” Over time, those messages taught us to suppress emotions instead of understanding them. As adults and parents, we try to teach emotional skills that we may never have the opportunity to learn.
But children today can develop emotional intelligence through daily interactions with the adults around them. The conversations we have, the questions we ask, and the sense of safety they feel at home will shape how they understand emotions.
After years of studying more than 200 parent-child relationships, I’ve found that certain questions can help children develop emotional awareness, resilience, and empathy.
Here are 10 powerful questions parents can ask:
1. ‘How did your body show your feelings today?’
Children feel emotions in their bodies before they have the language to describe them. Asking this question will help them notice those signals.
A nervous child may refer to a colic. Excitement can show as a warm face or a fast heartbeat. Recognizing these sensations helps children become aware of their emotional state.
2. ‘What emotion are you feeling today and why are you showing it?’
Children see that emotions are connected to experiences. Emotions begin to make sense when they are linked to something that happened.
A child may describe feeling proud after completing a project or feeling frustrated during a disagreement with a friend. These connections help them understand their feelings and respond to them more effectively.
3. ‘How do you know when someone is happy or sad?’
Empathy develops when children observe the feelings of others. This question encourages them to notice facial expressions, tone of voice and mannerisms. The hope is that they will become more aware that emotions exist not only within themselves but also in the people around them.
4. ‘What makes you proud of yourself?’
Many children associate pride only with winning or performing well. This question helps them focus on their personal qualities.
Children begin to recognize things like kindness, persistence, or generosity as reasons to be proud. That awareness supports a strong sense of self-worth.
If they have trouble answering, gentle prompts can help:
- “Are you proud of how kind you were today?”
- “Are you proud of how hard you worked?”
- “Are you proud to help your friends?”
5. ‘When you’re upset, what do you want someone to do for you?’
This question encourages children to think about their needs in difficult moments.
A child may say they want a hug, someone to sit next to them, or some quiet space. Expressing these preferences helps them know that their needs are important and can be communicated.
6. ‘When you felt tense today, what helped your body feel safe again?’
Emotional intelligence involves learning how to calm the body in stressful moments.
Children begin to recognize what is best for them. Some feel better after taking a deep breath. Others calm down after talking to a parent, cuddling a stuffed animal, moving their body, or spending a few quiet minutes alone.
Recognizing these strategies can help children approach strong emotions with more confidence.
7. ‘What do you tell yourself when something feels difficult?’
This question introduces children to the idea of the inner voice.
Young children often benefit from hearing examples of supportive self-talk. Parents can model phrases like these:
- “You can try again.”
- “Mistakes help you learn.”
- “You’re safe.”
- “You’re doing your best.”
With repetition, children begin to use these phrases themselves, which strengthens resilience.
8. ‘How do you show someone you care about their feelings?’
Children learn that empathy involves action. Caring for someone else’s feelings often shows up in simple behaviors.
He asks a friend, “Are you okay?” This can refer to asking, sharing a toy, or sitting with someone who is feeling lonely. These daily actions help children practice kindness in concrete ways.
9. ‘What’s so special about you?’
This question helps children think about the qualities that define who they are.
Parents can mention traits such as creativity, curiosity, humor, thoughtfulness, or bravery and ask which ones feel true to them. Recognizing these qualities supports a healthy sense of identity that is not tied to comparison or achievement.
Reem Rouda A leading voice in conscious parenting and creator of Bound and Foundations journals, now offered together as her An emotional safety bundle. She is widely recognized for her expertise in children’s emotional well-being and for redefining what it means to raise emotionally healthy children. Find her Instagram.
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