Of all the trade deadlines, the NHL is the best because it is the most active and the most chaotic. How confusing is this? Try this. The St. Louis Blues traded defenseman Colton Parayko to the Buffalo Sabres, a big deal considering the fact that the Sabers are one of the best teams in the league as traditional fortunes change. The two sides agreed to a deal… and only then did the Blues ask Parayco if he would waive his no-movement clause and accept the deal. And Parayko said no. Simple logic would lead you to think that it would have been done in the opposite order. “Colton, can you get me on a team that can win the Stanley Cup?” “No. Get angry.” “Okay, okay. Tell the Sabers we can’t deal.” But it’s there. The player’s exercise of the clause in his contract is somewhat surprising, as he had rejected his prior request.
It wasn’t a particularly good deadline. When the day began, TSN’s trading center (yes, the center) had a promotion for over 18.5 deals for the day from one of its gambling consortiums, and it took until 10:30 a.m. to get the first deal, with another hour of change before the second. Will you be the general manager? No, you bet on the future of human movement and today you find out the entire league has a no-trade agreement and you’re at the bottom of it.
Even if it lacks action, it’s worth it. Because everyone has to step back and fill in with other rumors that don’t come out. And since the actual deadline doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the news, any deal must be submitted to the league office, which will pore over the details to make sure the money and other provisions are in place. This means that you will receive notice of your trading hours after the closing date, so it is not a deadline as much as a final call.
But mostly, the trade deadline is a celebration of Toronto Maple Leafs stories. Because, at least in media terms, the Canadian Leafs are still bigger than any team in the United States. What’s even better is that this particular Leafs team is terrible, and when you couple that uneasy environment with Canada’s general reaction to both Olympic hockey tournaments (both losing in overtime to the Yankees), you can practically hear the whipping if you strain your ears to the edge.
This is a rare form of national anguish because (a) the Leafs are Canada’s biggest team, (b) most Canadians hate them in direct proportion to how much Toronto loves them, and (c) these days, even Toronto hates them. The Leafs have lost 14 of their last 18 games, including Thursday’s game against the fearsome New York Rangers, and are almost certain to miss the playoffs for the first time in a decade. But wait! Even that playoff record makes fans hate them, as they have been eliminated in the first round seven times in nine attempts and have not reached the Cup final since 1967 when only six teams did so. They are the Sacramento Kings with the national profile of the Lakers. Think about it.
So the trade deadline means bringing out the worst of the worst, and that means incredibly psychotic, everyday reactions from a group of professionals who under normal circumstances seem like perfectly normal, well-adjusted people. Compared to the wall of theatrical pants-fowlers we’ve hired under the hats here, well, they seem like normal, well-adjusted people. They have been demanding that the Leafs back up the truck and dump everyone from team president Keith Pelley to the then-backup goalie. The only exception is Auston Matthews, who makes $13 million per year and embodies the best of the team. That said, he’s got a supreme talent, and an underappreciated injury that’s plagued him all season, and a recent photo of him in the dressing room with spider tape on his right shoulder prompted a scathing “Get surgery now!” The second big discussion of the day was “How much longer will we put up with this nonsense before Matthews asks us to leave?”
Conversely, it is generally agreed that Matthews’ $11 million compatriot William Nylander is the most polarizing leaf on the payroll following Mitch Marner’s departure. The debate was fueled by communal hatred and “Trade him to Vancouver for rotting halibut!” It moves back and forth between. Nylander’s near-standard resistance to inspection makes him a franchise trash magnet and his money makes him less popular. For those of you who don’t play hockey, multiply hockey dollars by 5 to get NBA dollars. That makes Nylander the 14th highest-paid player at $11 million, compared to Even Mobley at $53.8 million. Have you ever hated Evan Mobley for any reason?
The Leafs seem to be in cannibal shit deck mode. Coach Craig Berube said no one would be removed from the lineup for “roster management” during Wednesday’s morning skate before the team’s overtime loss in New Jersey. This is a neat way of saying, “We don’t want this motorcycle damaged in case we can trade it in.” A few hours later, the team actually announced that three players would be cut for roster management, which screamed, “These guys don’t talk to each other anymore.” One of the players who played against the Devils, Nicolas Roy, was a traded player, so they obviously don’t talk to each other.
Because nothing is ever simple for these idiots, GM Brad Treliving, who was consistently kicked out for not being bold enough and also made the required rebuild nearly impossible by missing out on first-round picks and thereby causing another well-publicized upset, somehow got first and fifth on the Avalanche for Roy. This made Treliving a hero. and It’s a rogue and sporty professional 4-axle at the same time. And that’s absolutely normal for the Leafs.
You see, when you combine a strong national brand in a country with only seven pro hockey outposts and give that brand 60 years without a championship, you get an effervescence of almost overwhelming madness. And we love it all. Because the trade deadline is a national festival of brain bubbles loudly popping, reforming, and popping again.
